That’s well lush…

I don’t watch a lot of Australian television. I’m not really fond of most of our local productions. So as a result a lot of my television requirements are forced upon the British and the Americans. They make the top-notch productions of which I appreciate.

And I love my programs. I love them a lot. So I watch them a lot.

As a result sometimes I forget that although I watch the programs from both sides of the ‘Pond’ I have no national or rational allegiance to either. My mind knows this, my minds knows that I am neither British/Scottish/Irish/Welsh or American. There is only one problem my voice doesn’t.

I am not particularly good at accents. I tried once and it wasn’t particularly pretty. Though every time I sit down and watch too much television (… every time I watch television), I start talking like a character with a distinctive accent. I start saying words I would usually have no intention of using in a certain context,

I can’t say ‘That’s Good’ I have to say ‘Brilliant’ with a slightly British inflection.

I can’t say ‘Think’ apparently I must say ‘Tink’ like I have just stepped out of my apartment in Dublin.

Sometimes I say Mum, but somehow it sounds like there an ‘O’ has crept in amongst the ‘Ms’ instead of a ‘U’.

This isn’t something that really affects my life on a serious level, but it does cause problems. People look at you funny, people think you are doing it on purpose. It’s hard being me in those situations. So I feel in the range of serious diseases it is at least a semi-affliction. For it definitely rates a mention amongst other mental problems like Arachibutyrophobia and PAEDOPHOBIAP*.

Some may say I am the only one hence the lack of discussion.

But I feel other people suffer from this same malady too. I feel, though, that the sufferers are all trapped by embarrassment. No one wants to admit to the Feyz Syndrome (I have always wanted to name something after myself… what a proud moment). If you admitted to it, people would scoff, they would say “Oh yeah that sounds horrible, divert funds from developing communities in Africa so this nonce** can learn how to speak properly again”.

No instead we are silent victims. We do not speak in fear of scorn… or the fact that our accent may betray us.

*You thought I was going to tell you what these terms mean. Silly you. Are you not acquainted with the internet God’s directive, “Goggle My Children, Google”.
**Perfect example, when have I heard this word in a real life situation? Never.

P.S. Project Next do not be concerned that this personal crusade of mine will affect my office hours. Although a large part of me seeking the job with the national television exposure is to contribute to my cause. I shall not lie about my true intentions.

For a lie poison-eth the tongue, and make-eth the words soiled. (That last bit, well surely you know I have recently been dabbling in some Shakespeare… well Shakespeare in Love… do not mock-eth me!)