My Fat Pants are starting to hurt me…

Every chubby girl has fat pants. These fat pants are not nice pants. They are generally bought on sale. They always have a faintly ugly pattern somewhere on them. And they are bought two years ago when someone goes through a really fat phase. A really fat phase that is quickly gotten out of, by this someone, because that someone recognizes that they were forced to buy new pants.
Oh the grief.
Oh the anger.
Oh the fat.
But fat pants are also very much loved. They are still brought out so they can occasionally play, because fat pants can very much come in handy.

The Subheading => I (HEART) FAT PANTS

Fat pants can come in handy in the following situations:

(a) Buffets/ Yum Cha. Stomachs expand when you put copious amounts of food in it. Fat pants catch that expansion.
(b) When you want people to compliment you – Example:
Person: “Oh my, have you lost weight?”
You: “Ummmmm… I don’t know have I? (I look down at pants, pinch excess material, pinch it outwards, form a tent peak, release) … yeah I guess I have…”.
(c) When you are expecting a response from an interview that was conducted 26 days ago.... I have swallowed all my anxiousness in sugary and/or lard form, and it was delicious… but also very bad. So bad I have gained about 3-5 kilos.

SO…

I have a commenced a plan of action. A new diet plan. This blog. I will take all this anxious energy, all these sugar rushes and inevitable sugar crashes and do something productive. Every time before I go to consume, I will produce. Because if I don’t I may need to upgrade my fat pants.

P.S. Mummy, Daddy, Sissy and Big-Bro-in-Law, this is a blog I made for the purposes of comedy. In the past 3-4 weeks I have not been binge eating. I have instead consumed numerous salads filled with legumes and vegetables. And you’re right they are both delicious and keeping me regular. Thanks Guys.