I have not been on this earth many years. In fact I have only been on this earth for 19 years, yet with only that little time I think I have learnt some important lessons.
1. Don’t make fast movements around paranoid people. They will analyze it for hours and then respond badly.
2. You are not a racist so long as you have token friends.
3. If you want more space in a busy public place yell the following things: ‘Bee, a bee just stung me’, ‘Jesus is coming to judge you sinners’, ‘Beeeeep, beeeeeeeeeep, poopy fish’.
4. Telling old people they smell like death will not get you in their will.
5. Never ask a public servant if they find their job fulfilling.
6. If you are Middle-Eastern do not act too emotional at airports, it will lead to negative attention.
7. Your girlfriends aren’t that happy for you.
8. Never question the knowledge of a stupid person on a specific subject. It is probably the only thing they know fully, so they will be very sure about it and fighting with them will be futile.
9. Everyone has a deeply racist/crazy grandparent.
10. If in doubt, Google.
11. If you do not want to do something at the workplace/educational institution cite religious reasons.
12. Never believe anything a hypochondriac is telling you.
13. Never try and outdo your pretty friend in the looks department. Embrace your frumpiness and dress comfortably.
14. Do not buy sushi from the side of the road.
15. You will not get a letter from Hogwarts when you are eleven.
16. Do not assume an Asian person is Chinese. You may get a slap.
17. People do not care about another person’s dreams
18. … Follow your dreams…
19. Do not apply for a job you really want. Waiting for a response will be akin to torture.
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