Terrorism - is now – no longer an option

Last night I watched the film ‘The Bornhoffen Mistakes’*, and I realized that my life-long dream of being a conceptual artist/terrorist is unfortunately unable to proceed. Apparently terrorists have to be amazingly good looking. Not good looking in the sense that they have such an abundance of charisma and sense of danger that they become good looking. They need to be super good looking. Like I mean ‘blow things up on Saturday’ and then ‘model a nice set of woollen jumpers for a fancy catalogue on Monday’- good looking.

I could maybe manage modelling the before shot in a before and after advertisement. Maybe.

Plus to be a terrorist apparently you have to be uber-cool. So cool - that when you bathe - you take a bath not a shower, lest the awesomeness simply wash off and go down the drain. You have to view everyone else as being constrained by their bourgeoisie/imperialist constructed middle-class morality, which you are so above.
You have to spout long lines about how the revolution is coming and about how certain things are keeping us captors. How money drugs us. How fashion brainwashes us. Blah blah blah, something Mao said. Blah blah blah something Che said. Blah blah blah followed by big boom, followed by more blah blah blah.

It looks like a lot of wank followed by some fire and running around.

So disappointed. Being a person of Middle-Eastern heritage becoming a terrorist has long been a dream of mine. I had even been shopping around for a certain organisation. Now I have taken what was previously my shortlist and thrown it in the bin. Terrorism does not look fun enough. Oh and all that killing looks horrific.

So this Project Next thing better work out, either that or I am throwing myself into ballet.

*The film is actually called The Baader Meinhof Complex, but I can’t and I shan’t remember that. So the film is ‘The Bornhoffen Mistakes’.

P.S. ASIO this was a blog for funny. I know someone in some dingy office is shaking their head and saying terrorism is never funny. How true, I say, how true. Or they maybe saying I’m not funny. . How true, I say, how true. Just please whatever you do ASIO, don’t arrest me. I’m too charismatic for prison, I would inevitably cause a riot causing tax-payers in these tough economic times to foot an extraordinary bill. I wouldn't be able to help it, I'm just that good at inspiring people.