I fare thee well Facial Hair

Capitalism is the system that advocates individualism so long as you can buy your originality through merchandise. So capitalism hates beards. Simple fact, although a bearded man is an individual a bearded man also creates a gap in the male grooming market. A bearded man does not have to buy razors, shaving cream or man moisturizer. Instead a bearded man has a beard. A bearded man is a man.

A bearded man though is not a capitalist.

Politics a place previously for men of great beards has instead been replaced by the clean shaved. I blame the communists. If Marx, Castro, Stalin and Guevara had left the beards alone perhaps we would have more beards in our capitalist society. Instead beards were made obligation grooming for those who rally against the middle class. And you cannot get Howard’s Battlers by looking like you are about to rally against the Middle Class. So the idea of a beard in Australian politics has died.

Ironically Peter Garret is a perfect example of this. The man is a hairless mystery. In fact it has always shocked me that in Australia women continue asking for a Brazilian. You could just as easily say a Peter Garrett and everyone would get what you meant.
But I digress.

The most worrying and clearest suggestion that Australia and the world is increasingly becoming a No Beard Zone was last year. Kevin Rudd had mutton chops for a total of one week. Then they were gone, a brief comment was made about Therese disapproving and Australia moved on. I did not. I knew then the Beard and Moustache was dead to Australian politics.

Goodbye Beardy and Tache. You have given us great moments, but your day is gone. One day I hope to reunite you with the faces of Australian men, for now though I salute you.


P.S. If I get onto Project Next I will grow an impressive beard. It will be so lovely that Frida Kahlo would not help herself she would weep... badly.

Thank God, I have made a promise that I know I will not have to keep.