My imaginary puppy

For the past fourteen years of my life I have wanted a puppy. I have begged, pleaded, screamed and picked up random pieces of poo to show that it doesn’t gross me out. To this my parents have occasionally yelped at me, and told me that they’ll be a puppy for me. It wasn’t very funny to me the first time, and it hasn’t gotten any funnier since. Even the time, when they tried to really drive the point home, and my dad rolled onto his back, whilst my mother scratched him on the stomach. It wasn’t even funny to me then.

So I stopped bringing up dogs. I just let go of the idea altogether.

That was until this week, this week for some unexplained reason I was finally going to get a puppy. A real, female puppy that had all the optional extras.

I have had a kind of tough time lately. Not a bad time, just a tough time. So I thought a puppy would be just the ticket to get me back into Happyland. So I took a few necessary steps in preparing myself for my puppy.
I:
• Did a happy dance.
• Did a happier dance.
• Named my puppy.

I called my puppy Zissou. She was named for ‘The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou’, I am quite fond of that film and so it seemed a fitting name.

Then someone told us about the special time in a girl puppy’s life. The time in a non-desexed girl puppy’s life. The time when she grows up and experiences her cycle.

So we ran back and said put our name down for a boy. Too late.

We thought about still getting her anyway, and then I did what I always do. I conceded to whoever screamed loudest at me about the situation, and this time the side that screamed happened to be anti-puppy. Although surprisingly, this time the anti-puppy team didn’t consist of my parents.

So now I’m stuck dreaming of a puppy that isn’t coming. That isn’t all bad, I don’t mind spending time with my imaginary puppy. With my imaginary puppy I don’t have to feed it, walk it, or really pay it any attention.

It’s really like having no puppy at all.

Except an imaginary puppy has a name, and a dog collar it will never wear.